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  • Writer's pictureReuben Berger

A Letter to my Social Worker

Fundamentally, this is the issue that we have been looking at all along ~ loneliness.


"U. S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, warns that loneliness is like hunger, a signal we're lacking something for survival." This is the headline of an article in the Guardian written by Katherine Rowland. Love, he says, is the foundation of good policies and needs to inform the nation’s public health agenda.


Fundamentally, all I ever really needed in life was someone like you who really listened, and really cared and was consistently there for me.


And, I am the same, in that sense as all those whose 'cases' you likely manage ~ they all just need someone who is really there for them.


I could always sense you wished you could do more for each and every one of your clients.  Ideally, you would meet someone in need and give them a phone number to call and on the other end of that line someone would say something like, 'welcome to lovebandb ~ which location would you like to stay at?' and there is a list of practically five star resort spas that they can choose from and you know that they'll be taken good care of.


I am just more consciously aware of how my situation has been affecting me and I'm glad to know that I'm well on my way to a much better experience of life even though I have already started feeling much better.  Just about a week ago I recall being out in the city and perhaps for the first time in my life actually feeling safe, safe within I guess.  It's like my inner world had been shattered and when I'd get somewhat 'rattled' in the world it's like it would shake up those shattered parts within that hadn't made their way back to wholeness.


When we shatter a bone, we get it fixed right away.


But when a heart and mind gets shattered, most people will likely just tell you to 'get over it' or 'get a job' completely unaware that all they are doing is irritating that shattered part of us even more.


Would you tell someone lying on the ground who just broke their leg to 'get over it?'


But someone goes through massive trauma yet few can see that many are walking around with a shattered inner world.


Only near the end of my long journey do I actually find the main 'ingredient' that had been missing on my healing journey ~ a true empath with a heart of gold who I have always felt has truly been there for me as you have been.


Yes, I did a lot of body work of various forms, did a lot of meditation, went on long walks, spent a lot of time alone in a cabin by the woods and all along, wasn't aware of actually what was really missing from my life ~ a consistent, truly heart centered person who was able to truly be there for me.


I had gotten totally disillusioned about the effectiveness of therapy but you have shown me that it's probably the key aspect for truly healing because if we have not one other person in the world who we feel really knows us, then I am starting to truly question if we can actually really know ourselves, see ourselves, see where we may be stuck, see where we may be doubtful, see where we may feel insecure, see where we are at with how we spend our time, uncover how we really feel about other family members, explore the quality of our friendships.  It's almost as though talking with a good therapist is like talking with yourself.


You should for sure win first prize for best therapist.


It's a fascinating story.  It's almost as though I am not sure if I could have completed this long, strange journey that I have been on without you, I'm really starting to believe that I couldn't.


I even recall at one session when you asked if I felt as though I was complete in our work and I noticed an anxious feeling come up within me connected with the prospect of 'losing you'.  In a way it made me realize that it's like I just got used to losing people ~ people who would come and go from my life, often people who I really liked and for some reason we just parted ways.  I guess that anxious feeling was contemplating the concept of 'losing someone who is important to you'.  Perhaps, more than anything it reminded me of how important of a person you have become in my life.


I feel so blessed to have you as my social worker ~ all that this world is missing, more people doing the work that you are doing.


I feel as though I have proven one of my theories which is that if you do not have intrinsic security established when you are growing up, you still need it established and it appears as though the only way, at least from what I have found, is that if one has not had intrinsic security established while growing up that person, no matter what their age, still needs someone who can, in a sense, play that role that ideally both our parents had played ~ truly being there and deeply knowing their prized creation. 


Instead, it seems almost the opposite in that often parents seem to find their kids annoying and so kind of brush them off when those kids need someone who is truly there for them to help them navigate this strange society that we live in. Leading canoe trips, was much simpler than trying to navigate through this world where there are so many eddies (parts of the river that go upstream, mostly found in rapids), situations that make you feel like you are going backwards in life.


Funny that one can get all these degrees but there is no course on how to be a parent or a good life guide.


You are for sure one of the best life guides I have met.


Perhaps I could guide you and some friends on a canoe journey one day.


Keep shining,


Oh, and here is the article I was telling you about...us-surgeon-general-vivek-murthy-loneliness-mental-health-epidemic-social-media, click here...




Talk soon,

Reuben

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