The Lead In
“I write to hide.
I write to reveal myself.”
– unknown
BLUEPRINTS IN MY MIND
I WASN'T EVEN THREE YEARS OLD WHEN
I STARTED WRITING THESE
BLUEPRINTS IN MY MIND
ON A COLD, SNOWY, JANUARY DAY
IN EARLY NINETEEN SIXTY NINE
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT JUST ACROSS TOWN
MY MOTHER'S BODY WAS GOING DOWN
SLOWLY DISAPPEARING INTO THE GROUND
MANY GATHERED BY HER SIDE
TO RECITE A PRAYER AND SAY GOODBYE
I LOOKED OUT MY WINDOW WAITING FOR HER
FROM DAWN TO DUSK AND THROUGH THE NIGHT
I NEVER DID SEE HER FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW
IN SPRING, THE BIRDS BEGAN TO SING AND FLOWERS GROW
AND THE WIND WHISPERED WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW
AND AS I GREW I WASN'T EVEN AWARE
OF THESE BLUEPRINTS IN MY MIND
THE INK HAD LONG AGO DRIED
I HAD SET OFF ON THE CHALLENGE OF LIFE
UNAWARE OF THAT DAY IN NINETEEN SIXTY NINE
I PADDLED FOR YEARS THROUGH RIVERS AND LAKES
AND TRIED TO REACH DISTANT MOUNTAIN PEAKS
I BIKED ACROSS THIS BEAUTIFUL LAND
AND TRAVELED THROUGH THE HOT DESERT SAND
BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING – I KNEW NOT WHAT
ONE DAY I SET OUT WITH A FRIEND
TO PADDLE DOWN AN ANCIENT RIVER
ON THE FIRST MORNING WE AWOKE TO BIRD SONG
I SAT ON A ROCK AT THE DAWN
LOOKING OUT ACROSS THE CALM WATER
HOURS PAST AND RIPPLES TURNED TO WAVES
THE BLUE SKY BECAME SPECKLED WITH CLOUDS
SEAGULLS FLUTTERED IN THE CURRENT OF WIND
THE TREES ABOVE ME SWAYED
SIX HOURS HAD PAST AND I WAS THE ROCK
IT WAS A SLOW BEGINNING
TO A TRIP I NEVER WANTED TO EMBARK ON
INTO MY MIND AND FEELINGS
WHERE BIT BY BIT I WOULD UNCOVER
THESE BLUEPRINTS IN MY MIND
I HAD BUILT MY LIFE ON THESE PLANS
THE INK WAS WORN, THE PAPER BRITTLE
SOME PARTS WERE BADLY TORN
I HAD TO GO SEARCHING FOR WHAT WAS MISSING
THEY WERE LOCKED BEHIND HEAVY DOORS
SO PIECE BY PIECE I LAID THEM OUT
AND TRACED OVER THE WORN OUT INK
I STUDIED THESE PLANS NIGHT AND DAY
THE MAIN THEME BECAME CLEAR INDEED
IT WAS LOVE, THAT WAS MY GREATEST FEAR
BEFORE THAT DAY IN SIXTY NINE
I HAD BEEN LOVED AND I LOVED
AND WHEN IT DISAPPEARED, SO DID I
I WENT INSIDE AND LIVED SAFELY
WITH THESE BLUEPRINTS IN MY MIND
IF I NEVER LET ANYONE LOVE ME AGAIN
THEN I WOULDN'T LOSE ANYTHING AGAIN
I COULD LIVE MY DAYS
AND NEVER WORRY ABOUT
THAT PAIN THAT STOLE MY YOUTHFUL HEART
BUT THAT SAFE ROAD THAT I HAD CHOSEN
WOULD ONLY LEAD TO LAKES THAT WERE FROZEN
AND SO ONCE THESE OLD PLANS WERE CLEAR
I COULD TOSS THEM AWAY WITHOUT A FEAR
AND WALK A NEW ROAD
I had no idea how long it would take to uncover those blueprints, study them, and then tuck them away on the shelf as a memory and a story. I explored many healing and spiritual paths, it was like my whole journey was about returning to the present moment.
On my journey, I encountered many searchers, 'teachers', gurus, 'systems', 'therapies', self-help books, and philosophies. I would follow a particular path or ''teacher' for months, even years before realizing that the path was flawed, often leaving me disillusioned, and feeling more lost and confused. Yet, I always persevered, believing the answers were out there somewhere.
I learned a great deal along the way and the many life lessons are contained within these pages. I always had a journal with me, as I had discovered I loved to write – poems would often flow through me out onto the page, almost effortlessly. Winding my journey through the poems I wrote along the way, was the form this book took ~ taking the reader on journeys to distant lands, as well as inner worlds.
In the end, I was reminded that the 'Kingdom of Heaven' is within. The closer that I got to that place, the more I could see the turmoil within others and my compassion grew. I realized that peace is our natural state ~ all wars and conflicts are simply manifestations of the darkness within.
It is my hope that this story will help you move further to that Kingdom within so that our children and our children's children can grow up in happy, peaceful, prosperous lands of great opportunity, harmony, love, freedom and equality for all.
Enjoy the journey ahead.
Love,
Reuben Berger
February 2023